Kids and Conflict
Sister Snapshot
After a morning battle worthy of the gladiator’s arena, my son agreed that it was necessary for him to go to school. However, he did so in dinosaur pj’s that were a size too small…I fail to understand how he saw this as a victory.
Dear Sister,
Wow, some days just seem filled from beginning to end with conflict of one kind or another. I may start the day convincing my children that education is a necessary part of their lives, spend the middle embroiled in various battles at work, and round things out with the Grand Finale: Bedtime.
Interestingly, I’ve found that I can apply some of the same conflict management practices I utilize at work to handle my cantankerous offspring (particularly the older ones). One of the most effective methods seems to be to focus (and refocus) the “discussion” on the issue, and avoid (when possible) a battle of the wills.
One painful source of conflict lately has been getting out of the house on time in the mornings, generally because my 7 year old son will literally wait until it’s time to walk out the door before deciding it’s time to get dressed, and he’s getting much too big to “manhandle”.
Lately, instead of approaching this very frustrating situation with requests, “Please get dressed, son”, followed by warnings, “If you don’t get up and get dressed now, you’re going to miss the bus,” and finally shouted threats, “You have EXACTLY 30 SECONDS to get some clothes on or….!”, I’ve attempted an alternate tactic. It doesn’t always work (particularly when his primary objective is to test boundaries), but it is more successful than the first method, and generally goes something like this:
“Son, I really need your help with a problem.” (My son LOVES to help, and LOVES to solve problems.) “I’m trying to figure out how we can leave the house on time this morning, when we’re already running a little behind. Do you have any suggestions?”
After some further guided discussion, my poky little puppy will generally get himself dressed and ready for school (on his terms, of course).
Now, if only I’d tried this approach last night at bedtime, we might have all been asleep before 11:30…
Love,
Christina
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